Britney Spears: Femme Fatale Review

Shoulda stayed bald...

Album: Femme Fatale
Artist: Britney Spears
Genre: Dance/Pop


3.8/10

    “Thumbs up if you listen to real music like Good Charlotte instead of this auto-tuned crap!” –average 15-year-old boy commenting on a Britney Spears video.  One thing that bugs me more than anything else are people who claim that pop music played with guitars is somehow automatically better than pop music with more production.  To criticize Britney Spears for not “writing her own songs” or “using auto-tune” or “for not using ‘real’ instruments” is frankly not valid.  Frank Sinatra didn’t write his own songs and he’s considered one of the greatest singers of all time.  Kanye West uses auto-tune and he’s an amazing rapper/producer.  Justice and Daft Punk are completely electronic and they make some of the best music I’ve ever heard.  I just wanted to make sure that when I review this album I’m going to evaluate it on how it SOUNDS and how well it was WRITTEN, not on silly prerequisites like “using real instruments”.

     That being said, Femme Fatale is an album that fails to do it’s simple goal, get people to dance, and fails to capture my affection.  Femme Fatale is an album that borrows elements from dance, trance, house, dubstep, and disco, and mixes them together in a mush pot that for the most part confuses and bores.  The first two tracks, ‘Till the World Ends” and “Hold it Against Me” are the two songs everyone’s heard, and for good reason, they’re by far the best tracks on the record.  “Till the World Ends” employs a simple beat that draws heavily from the most accessible house music around.  It serves its purpose, employing a catchy chorus with a simple melody and danceable beat.  The opening lyrics are actually clever: “This kitten got your tongue tied in knots, I see/Spit it out ‘cause I’m dying for company.”  It’s the first string in many, many, MANY, sex-oriented lyrics.  “Hold it Against Me” also serves as a passable dance track, using a very thinned dubstep line, and the breakdown actually recalls some glitch house.  The lyrics made me groan though: “If I said I want your body now/Would you hold it against me?”  (I see what you did there).  It starts to thin out though, and before I knew it I was at the end of the album, and literally every single song was about sex and dancing, which would be fine, except the lyrics didn’t take any new turns.  They just started getting lazier.  “(Drop Dead) Beautiful” is an unbelievably horrible song.  I’m going to drop some lyrics on you, all of which are from this song. “And yeah, your body looks so sick/I think I caught the flu”.  “You’re drop dead beautiful”.   “You’re some kind of fine.” “You must be B-I-G cuz you got me hypnotized” “Whoever said that beauty’s on the inside is a liar.”  “Steam me like like a pot full of vegetables” “I don’t need your money, I just want your D”.  I wasn’t looking for poetry but Jesus Christ this is bad.  The production value declines throughout the album as well.  “Big Fat Bass” has the most misleading title ever.  Produced by will.i.am, this track employs the most timid sounding kick drum sample, while telling the listener to “prepare for the kick drum”.

    A disappointment to say the least, the haphazard songwriting leads to songs that you can’t really dance to, don’t really want to sing along to, and feel weird listening to.  The only place it really pics up is on “Trouble For Me”, where I found myself actually digging the intro synth line and chorus melody, but other than that this album is a downward spiral.  3.8 Femmes Fataled out of 10.

FAVE TRACKS: Till the World Ends, Trouble for Me